Upset after losing a game

You’re playing a board game, or your child just finished a match or a race. They lost, and now they’re crying, yelling that it’s unfair, throwing the pieces, or refusing to play again.

1. 1Pause the game and stay calm. If anything is being thrown or someone could get hurt, calmly stop that first.
2. 2Name the feeling and keep it short: “You’re really disappointed. You wanted to win.”
3. 3Hold off on silver linings, like “It’s just a game.” Let the feeling be there for a moment.
4. 4Stay close and give them a little time. Offer a drink of water, a few slow breaths, or space, whichever they accept.
5. 5When they’re calmer, notice something specific they did well, and invite them to rejoin, take a break, or stop for now.
6. 6Talk about sportsmanship later, not in the heat of the moment.

• “That’s really disappointing. I can see how much you wanted to win.”
• “It’s okay to feel upset. It’s not okay to throw things. Let’s take a break.”
• “I noticed how hard you tried on that last turn.”
• “Do you want to take a break or play another round when you’re ready?”

Ages 3–5

Keep games short and simple, and talk about feelings in a few words. Playing cooperative games, where everyone wins or loses together, can ease the pressure.

Ages 6–8

Say the rules and “what we do when we lose” before the game starts. Offer a calm-down plan, like three slow breaths, and let your child pick it.

Ages 9–12

Acknowledge the competition feels important to them. Afterward, ask what they’d like to do differently, and talk about how you handle losing yourself.

1. 1Pick a quick game your child likes and agree beforehand on what you’ll do if someone is upset, such as a break or a calming breath.
2. 2Play, and take turns being the one who loses on purpose. Show a calm way to react, like “Good game, I’d like a rematch.”
3. 3Practice a few phrases together, such as “Good game,” “That was close,” and “Can we play again?”
4. 4Afterward, ask which phrase felt easiest, and what helps their body when they feel upset.

Talk about it

• What did your body feel like when you lost?
• What helps you calm down after something doesn’t go your way?
• What would you like to try next time you’re disappointed?

This week, share one time you felt disappointed and what you did about it. When your child handles a small letdown calmly, tell them exactly what you noticed.